My husband left on a business trip today; he does that a lot, and I am left to myself, but I think I'm actually left to only half of myself. I had a friend in Australia once who said a marriage consists of four parts: one partner has three parts and the other has the fourth. I used to agree, but after I married my husband it felt like we were each owner of one half of the relationship, so it works. Today another friend called to say he "thought" his wife was going to sell their house. A house he had built with his bare hands. "Do you want to sell it?" I asked. "No, but she will if she decides to." he replied... "But haven't you told her?" .... "No, it wouldn't matter." ... "Why don't you want to move?"... "I built it, I'll just have to work harder and build another one."
I don't know, there was something missing in the whole conversation. This did not sound like a partnership to me. My husband and I even argue about what new tile to use. We have to make most of our decisions together (notice I didn't say all, because obviously I am only a part of his family, not his job) and if we don't, one of us gets hurt feelings.
Every night when he is home I fall asleep in the crook of his arm. At some point I move away, but in the morning when he awakens I role back over into the nest. When I watch my two dogs sleep like that in their bed, it amuses me because it is such a universal comfort.
My children are all married, some happily and some not, and they all seem to have the 1/2; 3/4 relationship which leads to arguments and problems. It is about control, really, and one of the hardest things in any relationship is to each give that up, then take back only the parts you really need. There's lots left over for sharing!
For me, this marriage is forever; this man is my other half. I miss him.

Sunshine

We planned to watch the Last King of Scotland tonight, but I found myself unable to finish it. I can't stand the concept of humans having no compassion, no tenderness, no ability to feel for others. Idi Amin was the Hitler of Uganda, only more insane. Must there be such insanity in all cultures. How do these people acquire power? How is it that those around them don't see their weakness, their degradation. Is it only when power is acquired, as they say, "absolute power corrupts absolutely?" If I accept that there is that much evil in mankind, how can I still see the hope?

Sunshine

She's back! Perhaps I worried too soon. Bending over the bushes this morning to see if the water had filled the basin, buzzing away, came sneaky snake. Although she scared the p... out of me, I was glad to see her. Too bad the boys will be here today. I had to put her in a garbage can with some ice until tonight when I can release her in the canyon. I have learned that rattle snakes have about a mile territory, long and skinny, so I am always careful to release them in their territory and I just hope that they will take a few days to get back so the dogs and I don't have to worry so much. It is such an innate fear, this snake thing, yet I have overcome most of it, and the boys love to look at her during the day to be sure she's okay. I should have known she was here because last night the lab didn't want to come up on the porch, and I looked under the table and chairs but didn't see any sign of her. She was obviously being her sneaky self.

A friend in Texas has a feral hog problem, and is planning a big hunt. We raised hogs for 4-H with the kids, and I was always impressed with their intelligence, yet when they turn wild they consider them game animals. It seems unfair, really. We use their heart valves in heart surgery, and their skin for burn victims, and all kinds of other body parts, yet we hunt them. Ours always thought they were dogs, and followed the horses when the kids went out riding. They would get in the irrigation canals beside the roads because they would overheat, and the dogs joined them. One got attached to a goat we had, and squealed when the goat would climb up on the dog house and he couldn't. Amazing.

Still hot here... 109 today... still no rain.

Sunshine

The deer came in quietly to drink this morning. They are very shy, waiting until everyone has begun their daily activities (jogging, riding, watering the plants) and then they drink quietly, furtively. Two of last years are beginning to set out on their own. The little buck has nubs of horns and the doe is bolder, stepping right into the tiny pond to drink. Afterwards they browse the palo verde tree's beans and wander over by the mesquite, standing on hind legs to nibble at its bounty. They'll be back this evening.

Our little pond and watering bowl are a local attraction here in the desert. The creatures are on schedule... doves at dawn, quail a bit later, bees all the time, deer, coyotes and in the evening, coyotes, deer, then after dark, the javelina. The javelina must drink elsewhere during the morning and daytime. We humans have taken so much water from the local aquifer that water holes are long dry. We haul water everyday... four hundred gallons, 20 miles round trip, to keep everything alive. An oasis. The monsoons are due soon.

We've seen no rattlesnakes this year. We usually have three, who annually appear under and around our porch. We refer to one who likes to sleep just under the first step as "sneaky snake." It is the first time in six years she has not appeared. We worry. Is it drought, winter freezes, or construction in the area. My first summer here seventeen years ago there were twenty two snakes. Mojaves, diamondbacks, blacktails, even a speckled. Gradually they have moved on (or perhaps been killed). I keep a snake stick by the door to move them if necessary, and have learned to watch where I step, but the truth is that they may all be gone now. It is so sad.

Is global warming partially responsible? Or is it simply human encroachment and ignorance. I have spent my life repeating, "All life has value" and somehow others don't share my feelings. Even the children learned to "watch out" for the snakes but not to fear them uneccesarily. I hope they are not gone forever.

scw